If you have lived at all and have had many experiences, as I have had – both good and bad, you begin to become what you have done. You begin living your life based on what has already happened. You develop certain assumptions and expect certain characteristics out of situations that seem familiar. You begin to see the world through old eyes. New experiences feel like old ones and become old experiences in a new way. After all, "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun" (Ecclesiastes 1:9). It would seem that relationships suffer because of this fact. We bring into them so much history – perceived and real – that we often make the person in the present to be responsible for the experiences in the past. We have unstated or understated expectations that often have nothing to do with the current situation at hand. The past experience controls the present. The past often dictates our moves. It can command our motivations and tells us how things should be because of what they've been. It can give us a sense of how things are, even if it is not necessarily based in current reality. We often hold on to the past no matter how painful or irrelevant it may be.
This is not exclusive to bad experiences. Often when we have experienced something good with another person, we want every person, especially new people, to replicate the bliss that that person brought us. We begin to filter their actions with that of another. We want them to act the way the other acted. We want them to say similar things that the other said. We want to feel the same way with our new person as we did with the person of our past. We want to take into our current relationship the best of another and project those feelings with an expectation that we will feel just as happy, cherished, appreciated, and loved. This, in many ways, is unfair. It strains a relationship by placing restrictions on one's personality. It is saying that who you are with is not good enough, and the other is better. It is communicating that your current relationship cannot have the natural, unique progression that has the potential to exceed the wonderful expectations you had with another.
This is equally as damaging a thing when our experiences have not been so favorable in our lives. We tend to match up new experiences even stronger, and more unforgivingly, when we are reminded of a past that brings about negative thoughts. For example, our parent's choices in mates that caused them abuse and harm, affect us in a way that has us on constant guard to protect ourselves from that person being reincarnated in our new relationship. We tend to overanalyze and overreact to the current situation because of our experiences with another – or worse with experiences that others have had or spoken to us about. There is nothing more unfortunate then to live your life based on what you did not personally experience, but out of fear of what another has told you about theirs. This limits our ability to live out the purpose that God has intended for our lives. This places us in perpetual fear of repeating mistakes. This causes us to be overly cautious about our future. This leads to insecurity and misguidedness. It leads us to following our heart, the moment, the feeling, instead of leading our hearts with love. Living in the past enslaves us with an unnatural desire to control everything and everyone in our lives.
No, you should not forget the past. But you should forgive your past. We grow from the past by being available to it when it was our present. Every yesterday was once a today and in that moment is the very opportunity to learn and grow. It is in those moments we become a new creature. It is when we should call upon God to use our experiences to make us new people (2 Corinthians 5:17). It is when God is able to unpack the suitcases of our soul so that we can board the flight into our future without excess baggage. Therefore, our relationships will be better. We will no longer desire to attract what we want into our lives – which is based on the past. But we will attract who we are. And if God is our pilot taking us to our destiny, we will need no baggage, because we will get all that we need when we arrive. And we will experience life anew – even if it's happen before. Because we have told our baggage to carry on.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your wonderful wisdom that You provide us through Your Word. Thank You for all of Your blessings that You have placed in my life. Thank You for the revelation and application of Your Word. Continue to strip my life of the hold my past has on me. Continue to shape me into who You want me to be. Help me to be who You have purposed me to be and allow me to be the instrument to help others get closer to You. I give my life to You, oh Lord, in Your Holy and precious Name I pray. Amen.
--
1 comment:
Excellent and Honest. Glad I have a new resource.
Post a Comment